Relations where nothing ever changes are boring. The shortest way to end a relationship is boredom. So I’m always looking for new things. Things we have not tried before. Maybe we will like them, and it stays in our “repertoire”, and maybe it was an one-time-but-never-again event. Either way, I’m bound to bring in something new, or often my Wanita thinks of something new.
But there are boundaries. Of course there are. Some things are unthinkable. In BDSM they are “Hard Limits”. Examples of Hard Limits are: Asphyxiation, Beating hard, Heavy Bondage – all day/multi day, Branding, Cutting – Blood play, Electricity, Fantasy gang rape, Fantasy rape play, Harems, Infantilism, Any play involving a minor, Milking (made to produce breast milk), Prostitution, Scarification (cutting,making scars), Scat play, Swallowing urine, Total Power Exchange.
If there are “Hard Limits”, there are “Soft Limits”. Soft Limits are still limits to the submissive but they are open to negotiation. Before the play begins that is. When the play has started and both are high on adrenaline it is a bad time to have a quiet conversation about Soft Limits. ome common soft limits are: Heavy Bondage, Cages/Cells/Closets (locked inside of), Hoods, Pain – severe, Rimming (oral/anal play), Strap-on-dildos, Suspension, Swinging and Switching roles.
Now it is not easy to talk about these things. But important. That is why there are Checklists around that sum up about every kind of kink imaginable and you say in that list:
* – I will do with current sex partner only.
NO – I WILL NOT DO that item under ANY circumstances (a hard limit).
0 – No desire, don’t like, will permit if special to Dom (soft limit).
1 – Don’t want to do, but will.
2 – Willing to do, but has no special appeal.
3 – Usually LIKE doing, on an irregular/ occasional basis.
4 – LIKE doing, would like it on a regular basis.
5 – WILD TURN-ON, would like it as often as possible.
Fill it out both of you and later compare the lists. So you will be talking about it. As equals. Because hard limits are important to trust your partner.